Medway in a zombie apocalypse

In which Caitlin Webb ponders how things might go for the residents of Medway in an even more severe outbreak..

Day one. Most of us would shrug off the warnings and think “meh, this is just the flu.” “I survived foot and mouth, bird flu AND I grew up in Chatham, I can live through this”. We will keep calm and carry on and panic buy all the toilet rolls. 

The rest will completely panic. Raid the supermarkets and barricade ourselves in our homes and plan to ride it out with pasta, rice and chickpeas. 

No matter how we react, we’re doomed. Even if we are not squeezed into terrace houses or flats, we have neighbours within sneezing distance. 

There’s a reason why apocalypse films are not set in places like Medway, or if they are, everyone is long gone and there’s just one guy left with his dog. The ideal survival destination would be forests, farms or just anywhere with less people around. We live far too close to each other to stop disasters from spreading. We are all goners.  

Once the supermarkets’ shelves are bare, we’re out of our luck. The best bet is to drive south and raid some farms or learn how to grow some food ourselves (if you can find space).

Don’t worry though, there are some good things going for us. At least we’re not in London. Our neighbours actually talk to us (most of the time), and the navy is nearby so we could boat it out of here. We’ve all got tough skin so I’m sure we would not die straight away.

If you don’t have a mansion or parents living near a castle, it’s a tough ride. Unlike the tv shows, films and books advertise, I think I would rather be one of the first to go. If I can’t binge Disney+, make sourdough, or play Animal Crossing is it even worth surviving? It all just seems like a lot of work. A lot more than standing outside and clapping. 

Name an apocalypse film that has a “happy” ending. I dare you. Or while you have all this spare time, I dare you to write one. 

Caitlin Webb is a Medway based media relations officer, and formerly the UK’s first Local Democracy Reporter for the BBC and Kent Online.

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